Chapter Seven: Toddlers (15 Months to 3 Years)
Social and Emotional Development for Toddlers
At 18 months, a toddler has met many developmental milestones. In the social/emotional domain, they like to hand things to others and will often point to show others something of interest to them. A child at 18 months may be afraid of strangers, shows affection to familiar people, and explores alone but still prefers a parent or caregiver close by. They may cling to caregivers in new situations.
Temper tantrums are a normal part of toddler development. Saying and shaking one’s head “no” is common during the toddler stage. At 18 months, a child has several single words that they can say. Their vocabulary will expand rapidly over the next several years.
Biting
Biting is a very common behavior among toddlers. It brings a source of stress to parents and caregivers alike in trying to determine what is causing the biting behavior. Children bite in order to cope with a challenge or fulfill a need. For example, a child may be biting to express a strong feeling (like frustration), to communicate a need for personal space (maybe another child is standing too close), or to satisfy a need for oral stimulation. Trying to understand the underlying cause of the biting will help develop an effective response (zerotothree.org).
There are many reasons why toddlers might bite. The following list includes some of the most common reasons, with the most common being a lack of language skills necessary for expressing important needs or strong feelings like anger, frustration, or joy. Biting is a substitute for the messages toddlers can’t yet express in words, such as “I am so mad at you,” “You are standing too close to me,” “I am really excited,” or “I want to play with you.”
Biting could also be the result of :
- Being overwhelmed by the sounds, light, or activity level in this setting
- Experimentation to see what will happen
- The need for more active playtime
- Being over-tired
- Teething
- Having a need for oral stimulation
Helping to understand the reasons a child is biting will help caregivers develop a plan to address the underlying needs the child has that are not being met (Crain, 2011).
Hitting/Scratching and Temper Tantrums
Most toddlers get aggressive sometimes. Tantrums and aggressive behaviors such as hitting, kicking, scratching, and biting are all behaviors that are exhibited by children at some point during this phase of development.
An aggressive young child, at least up to the age of three, is not being ‘bad’ or disobedient. The child is trying to communicate and hasn’t yet developed the language skills or emotional habits to express themselves more effectively. Another possibility is that the child does not feel that they are being heard, and violence is the only way to get their caregiver’s attention.
Toddler aggression usually happens when a little one is not getting what they want, whether that want is reasonable (food, attention, a cuddle), or not (candy, someone else’s toy, something dangerous). Context matters. Quite predictably, toddlers are more likely to be aggressive when they’re tired, worried, not feeling well, hungry, or otherwise stressed. The caregiver can help remedy a difficult situation by looking at it from the toddler’s point of view. Hitting, scratching, and temper tantrums are the reactions that often express the powerlessness of being a toddler
Toddler Property Laws Author Unknown
The following list of “Toddler Property Laws” sums up the joy and challenges of toddler development. There are several versions, and the original author is unknown.
1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like it’s mine, it’s mine.
8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
9. If I can see it, it’s mine.
10. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.
11. If I want it, it’s mine.
12. If I “need it, it’s mine (yes, I know the difference between “want” and “need”!).
13. If I say it’s mine, it’s mine.
14. If you don’t stop me from playing with it, it’s mine.
15. If you tell me I can play with it, it’s mine.
16. If it will upset me too much when you take it away from me, it’s mine.
17. If I (think I) can play with it better than you can, it’s mine.
18. If I play with it long enough, it’s mine.
19. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it’s mine.
20. If it’s broken, it’s yours (no, wait, all the pieces are mine).
2-3 Year Milestones
Are the terrible twos a universal experience?
Contrary to the experience of many Western parents, the “terrible twos” is not a universal phenomenon. In fact, it is much less dramatic and even completely absent in some cultures. The Aka in central Africa, for example, have a culture in which infants are doted on and held by both mother and father and then transition easily to playing alone or with siblings, peers, and others in their villages. Behaviors such as playing with machetes and spears are not only tolerated but often encouraged.
Similarly, research into Guatemalan mothering practices found that if there was a situation where an older sibling or older peer had a desired toy that the toddler wanted, the Guatemalan mother insisted that the toy be given over to the toddler. Although this may be seen as overly indulgent by standards in the United States, the terrible twos are not an experienced phenomenon in this culture. The Guatemalan mothers’ approach seems to be more reflective of cultural values of collectivism and interdependence. It is interesting to think about whether the experience of tantrums in two-year-olds in American culture reflects a cultural emphasis on individual rights and freedoms, autonomy, and independence (Jackson, 2011)
URL: https://pathways.org/growth-development/toddler/milestones/
