The Developing Parent
Think back to an emotional event you experienced as a child. How did your parents react to you? Did your parents get frustrated or criticize you, or did they act patiently and provide support and guidance? Did your parents provide lots of rules for you or let you make decisions on your own? Why do you think your parents behaved the way they did?
Psychologists have attempted to answer these questions about the influences on parents and understand why parents behave the way they do. Because parents are critical to a child’s development, a great deal of research has been focused on the impact that parents have on children. Less is known, however, about the development of parents themselves and the impact of children on parents. Nonetheless, parenting plays a major role in an adult’s life. Parenthood is often considered a normative developmental task of adulthood. Cross-cultural studies show that adolescents around the world plan to have children. In fact, most men and women in the United States will become parents by the age of 40 years (Martinez, Daniels, & Chandra, 2012).
People have children for many reasons, including emotional reasons (e.g., the emotional bond with children and the gratification the parent–child relationship brings), economic and utilitarian reasons (e.g., children provide help in the family and support in old age), and social-normative reasons (e.g., adults are expected to have children; children provide status) (Nauck, 2007).
Parenthood is undergoing changes in the United States and elsewhere in the world. Children are less likely to be living with both parents, and women in the United States have fewer children than they did previously. The average fertility rate of women in the United States was about seven children in the early 1900s and has remained relatively stable at 2.1 since the 1970s (Hamilton, Martin, & Ventura, 2011; Martinez, Daniels, & Chandra, 2012). Not only are parents having fewer children, the context of parenthood has also changed. Parenting outside of marriage has increased dramatically among most socioeconomic, racial, and ethnic groups, although college-educated women are substantially more likely to be married at the birth of a child than are mothers with less education (Dye, 2010). Finally, our evolving definition of “family” influences us to provide an inclusive lens to “parenthood” and the definition of “parent” or “caregiver”.
Galinsky (1987) was one of the first to emphasize the development of parents themselves, how they respond to their children’s development, and how they grow as parents. Parenthood is an experience that transforms one’s identity as parents take on new roles. Children’s growth and development force parents to change their roles. They must develop new skills and abilities in response to children’s development. Galinsky identified six stages of parenthood that focus on different tasks and goals.
Table 3.5: Galinsky’s Six Stages of Parenthood
| Stage | Description |
| Stage 1
The Image-Making Stage |
As prospective parents think about and form images about their roles as parents and what parenthood will bring and prepare for the changes an infant will bring, they enter the image-making stage. Future parents develop their ideas about what it will be like to be a parent and the type of parent they want to be. Individuals may evaluate their relationships with their own parents as a model of their roles as parents. |
| Stage 2
The Nurturing Stage |
The nurturing stage occurs at the birth of the baby. A parent’s main goal during this stage is to develop an attachment relationship to their baby. Parents must adapt their romantic relationships, their relationships with their other children, and with their own parents to include the new infant. Some parents feel attached to the baby immediately, but for other parents, this occurs more gradually. Parents may have imagined their infant in specific ways, but they now have to reconcile those images with their actual baby. In incorporating their relationship with their child into their other relationships, parents often have to reshape their conceptions of themselves and their identity. Parenting responsibilities are the most demanding during infancy because infants are completely dependent on caregiving. |
| Stage 3
The Authority Stage |
The authority stage occurs when children are 2 years old until about 4 or 5 years old. In this stage, parents make decisions about how much authority to exert over their children’s behavior. Parents must establish rules to guide their child’s behavior and development. They have to decide how strictly they should enforce rules and what to do when rules are broken. |
| Stage 4
The Interpretive Stage |
The interpretive stage occurs when children enter school (preschool or kindergarten) to the beginning of adolescence. Parents interpret their children’s experiences as children are increasingly exposed to the world outside the family. Parents answer their children’s questions, provide explanations, and determine what behaviors and values to teach. They decide what experiences to provide their children, in terms of schooling, neighborhood, and extracurricular activities. By this time, parents have experience in the parenting role and often reflect on their strengths and weaknesses as parents, review their images of parenthood, and determine how realistic they have been. Parents have to negotiate how involved to be with their children, when to step in, and when to encourage children to make choices independently. |
| Stage 5
The Interdependent Stage |
Parents of teenagers are in the interdependent stage. They must redefine their authority and renegotiate their relationship with their adolescent as the children increasingly make decisions independent of parental control and authority. On the other hand, parents do not permit their adolescent children to have complete autonomy over their decision-making and behavior, and thus adolescents and parents must adapt their relationship to allow for greater negotiation and discussion about rules and limits. |
| Stage 6
The Departure Stage |
During the departure stage of parenting, parents evaluate the entire experience of parenting. They prepare for their child’s departure, redefine their identity as the parent of an adult child, and assess their parenting accomplishments and failures. This stage forms a transition to a new era in parents’ lives. This stage usually spans a long time period from when the oldest child moves away (and often returns) until the youngest child leaves. The parenting role must be redefined as a less central role in a parent’s identity. |
Case Study (A)
James and Emma have been married for 20 years. They have three children: Olivia (18), Ethan (15), and Lily (10).
Stage 1: Image-Making
During Emma’s pregnancy with Olivia, James and Emma imagined their future roles as parents, discussing their parenting philosophies and dreams for their child. They developed a vision of themselves as nurturing and supportive parents, laying the foundation for their parenting journey.
Stage 2: Nurturing
After Olivia’s birth, James and Emma adjusted to the demands of caring for an infant, balancing sleepless nights and work responsibilities. They strengthened their bond with Olivia, learning to interpret her needs and establishing a secure attachment through consistent and loving care.
Stage 3: Authority
With Ethan’s birth, James and Emma navigated setting boundaries and enforcing rules. They worked on being authoritative figures while allowing room for exploration. They established routines and clear expectations, helping Olivia and Ethan understand limits and appropriate behaviors.
Stage 4: Interpretive
As Olivia started school, James and Emma focused on helping her make sense of the world, answering questions and guiding her through social interactions. They supported Ethan’s early education and Lily’s preschool experience. They provided a framework for understanding values, ethics, and social norms, ensuring their children developed a strong moral compass.
Stage 5: Interdependent
With Olivia entering high school and Ethan transitioning to middle school, James and Emma faced new challenges related to independence and identity. They negotiated rules, offered guidance, and respected their children’s growing autonomy. They learned to balance authority with independence, fostering open communication and mutual respect. Olivia’s part-time job and Ethan’s involvement in sports highlighted their growing interdependence.
Stage 6: Departure
As Olivia prepared for college, James and Emma grappled with the impending change in family dynamics. They supported her applications, planned campus visits, and helped her develop life skills for independence. They transitioned to a more advisory role, offering support while allowing Olivia to make her own decisions. This stage marked a shift in their identity, embracing their evolving roles as parents of an adult child.
It is important to note that little research has examined developmental changes in parents’ experiences and behaviors over time. Thus, it is not clear whether these theoretical stages are generalizable to parents of different races, ages, and religions, nor do we have empirical data on the factors that influence individual differences in these stages. Additionally, because our definition of “family” is evolving, caregivers may enter parenthood in a nonlinear progression through Galinsky’s stages or may skip through them, depending on the family circumstances. Little research has examined developmental changes from non-linear or skipped stages.
